If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
