The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
