can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
