my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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