woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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