Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
