i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why can't burritos get me drunk
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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