I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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