everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
