We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
