I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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