Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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