I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
