there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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