"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
