we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
