is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
