So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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