He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
