There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
