He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
