physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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