so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How does one acquire holy water?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
