I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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