you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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