The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
