wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
