So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
