you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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