He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
