I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was confusing and full of hummus
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
