Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
