Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
