and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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