I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
