Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
