Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
