Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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