never play flip cup with pint glasses
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
