u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
