He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
