you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
