Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
