I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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