I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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