Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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