apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
