He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
