I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
