Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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