If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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