Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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