hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
