tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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