Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
