I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
