that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
