I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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