Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
