I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
