On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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