I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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