The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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