I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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