friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
