Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
