He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
