I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
