Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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