whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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