I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
