i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
