Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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