So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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