The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
