if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
