2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
