We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
